Despite everything you might have heard to the contrary1, Auditors are people2 with real feelings3, and like everyone else4, all they really want is to love5 and be loved6.
- Things like these demonstrably untrue (but oddly appropriate) suggestions that auditors exist solely to “rain on your parade”, “darken your doorstep”, “ruffle your feathers”, “curdle your cream”, “fardel your bear”, etc.
- Apparently true, as their DNA is at least a 97% match for human. (That’s quite high, actually... on par with chimps and orangutans.)
- At least the following have been observed in the wild: smugness, annoyance, snark, zeal, and smugness.
- “Everyone else” being people that share a desire to ransack closets and rifle through garbage for evidence of malfeasance.
- Expressions of love from an Auditor often consist of findings, nonconformances, corrective action requests, etc. (Auditors believe strongly in the axiom “you only hurt the ones you love”.)
- Sorry. Got nothing.
It's funny because it's true. I kid, I kid!
Auditors are fine people... for me to poop on!
by Bill Wilson